"Live for Today" Poem

I am reading this fabulous book titled Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. When I am done, I should just turn around and start again. Not that my heart is gripped with anxiety, I actually am blissfully happy and would go as far to say that besides the occasional parenting challenge or self-inflicted decision stressor, I am pretty free of anxiety most of the time. This book is so much more than "anxiety", it goes deeper into our purpose as Christian women, it encourages me to look at the bigger picture and stay focused on the eternal.

Today's chapter was on staying focused on God's purpose for my life and a poem that Linda quoted stirred up some memories and mommy emotions this morning (and it was written by a 14 year old boy!!!).

It was spring but it was summer I wanted; the warm days and the great outdoors

It was summer but it was fall I wanted; the colorful leaves and the cool dry air.

It was fall but it was winter I wanted; the beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season.

It was now winter but it was spring I wanted; the warmth and the blossoming of nature.

I was a child but it was adulthood I wanted; the freedom and the respect.

I was twenty but it was thirty I wanted; to be mature and sophisticated.

I was middle-aged but it was twenty I wanted; the youth and the free spirit.

I was retired but it was middle-age that I wanted; the presence of mind without limitations.

My life was over but I never got what I wanted.

I remember when there were days as a newbie mom I would call myself anxious. Tate was screaming and I couldn't figure out why or my new role was confusing and I felt a little alone. Looking back, I realize this was all a learning experience, all part of the journey God planned to bring me closer to Him. One of my favorite Bible verses is Philippines 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." God will continue to work on me, making me the person He sees that I can be! How awesome - it is a process, I am not perfect, I will never be perfect until I am in heaven, but if I trust in God, if I call on God, he will continue working on me!!

I can't think of a better way to grow closer to God than to raise children. There is no better way to learn to rely more on God, or to learn to show Christ-like love in the mist of every circumstance. 

In those early, new-mommy days, in a unsavory moment I remember thinking, "this too shall pass" and I would immediately think "how sad"! I want to enjoy every second of this journey! I have always said that I am learning more from my kids than I can ever teach them! Growing as a follower of Christ, learning to show Christ to my family every day, in every action, in every moment is a life-long learning process. So I am going to forgive myself for those early struggles and focus on today and strive to forgive myself for more current-day mistakes (oh that is hard for a type-A perfectionist!).

God has brought me to such an awesome place! Do we still have struggles, sure! In fact, as I type my first born is sitting in the spare bedroom working on getting his self control, but how I am able to view the situation is what makes the difference. Now I am better able (better, not perfect mind you) to see struggles as opportunities. Each time I get to train Tate, each time I can show him how to build his character and show him gentleness and love through discipline it is a gift. It will make him a stronger follower and agent of Christ!

No more "this too shall pass" - every event, every smile, every act of disobedience, every "I love you" is all part of the package I don't want to miss a lick of it! I want to live in the moment - sweet or a little sour. Nothing worth doing comes easily and parenting children the way God would have me parent is hard work! But it is worth every little drop of sweat!!! 

Another one of my favorite scripture passages is Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

So my prayer for today is, God - train me, discipline me! Teach me to be the mommy these precious treasures need me to be to guide them to be extraordinary men, agents for You! Help me savor every moment of motherhood, even in those rough spots that my flesh would rather not experience. We are learning - all of us, growing more like You!