Yesterday, Tate lost the privilege of going swimming with Daddy. It was sad really, yet a necessary consequence. My Tate thrives on structure and routine, and during vacation both are on the back burner. Also, the excitement of new adventures just puts the silly bug in his belly. As Chase and I took a walk early this morning, I was reflecting on Tate’s lost privilege and what I want for my children. In one word, I decided I want.….more. More than the ordinary, to build more character in them than what would occur by letting everything “go”.
I am reading a great book by Tim Kimmel, who is an excellent author and father (Raising Kids for True Greatness). Tim’s definition of true greatness is:
grace that demonstrates itself in the attitudes of humility and gratefulness that ultimately lead to the actions of generosity and a servant attitude.
He also puts it this way, “a passionate love for God that demonstrates itself in a unquenchable love and concern for others.”
Kimmel warns that many parents are more concerned, and often equate success, with fame, power, beauty and wealth. He points out that the best things we have to offer in life come from our heart, not our head; from our character, not our charm; from our love, not our looks. I want this for my children, to know that serving others is what it’s all about and our calling from God. I like what Kimmel says:
God has not called us to raise safe kids, He has called us to raise strong ones. He hasn’t called us to raise popular kids; He’s called us to raise spiritually potent ones.
These lessons don’t come from an easy life, a life that doesn’t have trials to figure out along the way. I sometimes tell Tate, “I love you too much to allow you to……” whatever the case may be. However much I want to let something go, I know being a Mommy and helping nurture a young boy into a truly Godly man is an enormous responsibility and something I do not take lightly. So, taking away the privilege of playing at the pool on vacation seems over-the-top to some, but in the bigger picture, I need to keep in mind that we are helping mold his character and hopefully an “others first” attitude.
While I was mulling this idea over (listening to Ginny Owen’s new hymn CD, yes, she has a new CD!!), I remembered a letter written by the late Paul Harvey titled An Open Letter from God. It reminds me that we want our children to have some bumps in the road, and preferably while they are still under our loving wings and can help smooth the way with an eternal perspective. I would be hard-pressed to believe much character could be shaped in a child who is given everything, shielded from all hurts or allowed to behave without restraint. Here is Harvey’s letter:
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.
When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.
When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.
Send this to all of your friends. We secure our friends, not by accepting favors, but by doing them.
My prayer for today: God, help me show more of You to my children, my husband and the others You put in my life! I want to have a passionate love for You that demonstrates itself in a unquenchable love and concern for others. Give me and Tyler the wisdom to help grow spiritually potent children and help them work through hiccups along the way with a unwavering faith and strength in You!
