2012 Wills and Won’ts

A friend forwarded me an email snip-it from the book Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist. Shauna – a fellow perfectionist, high-achiever - basically created boundaries for herself, making a list of her will dos and won’t dos for what she defines as a fulfilled, yet not overly self-critical or too high of expectations Christ-centered life. It inspired me. The idea flows nicely with my 2012 mantra: less rushing, more rest. My big goals for 2012 include getting my hormones back to normal (and with that better stress management, more emotional stability and better “times of the month”) and finding the sweet spot each day of just doing my tasks without that underlying hurried, anxious feeling. I want to clean my bathrooms because I have time, not because I am “squeezing it in” or enjoy the hum of my washing machine while I sip a cup of tea and read the latest book on my to-read list. So below is my first draft of my will and won’t list:

I WILL	I WON’T
Commit to having a quiet time each morning – Jesus Calling and The Story of the Bible	Feel obligated to attend things that are miss-able if I feel rushed and overwhelmed
Focus on my relationship with Tyler, time together and more dates	Sign up for anything else (weekly commitment) to fill my schedule
Dedicate more time to thinking up creative family fun (camping kick-off party, themed dinners, Spring picnic during a blizzard)	Forget cooking needs to be set into my schedule, my idea of cooking takes too much time to assume it will get done
Seek ways to serve others – and keep days open to allow it to happen	Start dinner until my counters are clear
Walk with good friends every week
Commit fully to our home church to fix problems instead of leave problems (no complaining)

Thankfulness

I just started reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts. It is a poetical, raw, heartfelt look at the transforming power of gratitude, or eucharisteo in Greek, as she so beautifully describes. There are books I certainly look forward to reading, but this book is different, it is like I am trying to savor this one. Of my three books on my nightstand, I will try to get through some pages of the others before I “treat” myself to reading this book. There have been many quotable pieces, but one that keeps rummaging through my mind is a quote by C.S. Lewis, who said to a man looking for fullest life: “If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you will find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it’s not so bad.”

I have always been an optimist, always favoring happy over grumpy. But I dare say, as days go by at the speed of light, life happens. And the way it happens is usually not how I planned or expected. This is not bad, just something I continue to learn to make adjustments for, learn to go with the flow. We are told in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. And as the saying goes, if you want to hear God laugh, make plans, right? So even in the crazy, unplanned, unexpected hiccups of life in this fallen, yet beautiful world, I am to be thankful. That is my goal for this year, thankfulness in each and every momentary circumstance! I have a feeling I will need a heaping dose of grace as well, as I am surely in training, as C.S. Lewis suggested.

Birth order and learning curves

Kids make us grow up, don’t they? I mean, I thought I at least kind of had life figured out with kiddos. And then I had a picture in my mind of what it would be like to grow our family. While a portion of the "picture" came to pass, many parts of the journey have been unexpected blessings!

For about a year now, I have heard a lot of “second born syndrome” comments, implying that I am different with Chase than I was with Tate – easier I suppose is the main theme. For example, Tate couldn’t bring cars onto his highchair, but I find we have a better dinner experience with just allowing Chase this little thing. Did I actually make it more of a “big thing” when Tate was his age? I don’t know. What I do know is, Tate was a different baby/toddler; I was different; Chase is different. It is all a learning and growing process – really fun stuff!

I have been reading The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman. I get a kick out of Leman in general, and this book has been an especially fun read. Birth order is fascinating and learning about typical birth order traits, how they develop and ways to work with them is interesting. Being a first and only myself, I understand the concept of perfectionism and achievement. Not that I think these things are bad, but as I get older I can see how too much can make things just a bit more challenging.

One thing Leman says in his book is that first born people are leaders and achievers – presidents, astronauts, anesthesiologist. These are good things! We need these highly motivated people in our world. Leman makes a joke that he was going in for a surgery and asked the anesthesiologist if he was a first born and once he answered yes, it was only then that Kevin allowed the doctors to proceed. So is it parents that instill the first borness into first borns? Yes. We are new at this parenting thing! And adult behavior is pretty much all they see, for a while anyway. Will the road be a little easier for Chase? I suppose. Is that a good or bad thing? Who knows. Leman says that the first borns “snowplow the roads of life” for the following siblings. We are all learning, growing and becoming the people God has planned for us to be! All our experiences – whether hiccups or success - are all just part of the journey.

I did find the difference in the below popsicle figures funny though. One is Tate’s and the other is Jordan’s. Keep in mind, Tate’s friend Jordan is a last born (out of 3). Which creation belongs to whom do you think?

more

Yesterday, Tate lost the privilege of going swimming with Daddy. It was sad really, yet a necessary consequence. My Tate thrives on structure and routine, and during vacation both are on the back burner. Also, the excitement of new adventures just puts the silly bug in his belly. As Chase and I took a walk early this morning, I was reflecting on Tate’s lost privilege and what I want for my children. In one word, I decided I want.….more. More than the ordinary, to build more character in them than what would occur by letting everything “go”.

I am reading a great book by Tim Kimmel, who is an excellent author and father (Raising Kids for True Greatness). Tim’s definition of true greatness is:

grace that demonstrates itself in the attitudes of humility and gratefulness that ultimately lead to the actions of generosity and a servant attitude.

He also puts it this way, “a passionate love for God that demonstrates itself in a unquenchable love and concern for others.”

Kimmel warns that many parents are more concerned, and often equate success, with fame, power, beauty and wealth. He points out that the best things we have to offer in life come from our heart, not our head; from our character, not our charm; from our love, not our looks. I want this for my children, to know that serving others is what it’s all about and our calling from God. I like what Kimmel says:

God has not called us to raise safe kids, He has called us to raise strong ones. He hasn’t called us to raise popular kids; He’s called us to raise spiritually potent ones.

These lessons don’t come from an easy life, a life that doesn’t have trials to figure out along the way. I sometimes tell Tate, “I love you too much to allow you to……” whatever the case may be. However much I want to let something go, I know being a Mommy and helping nurture a young boy into a truly Godly man is an enormous responsibility and something I do not take lightly. So, taking away the privilege of playing at the pool on vacation seems over-the-top to some, but in the bigger picture, I need to keep in mind that we are helping mold his character and hopefully an “others first” attitude.

While I was mulling this idea over (listening to Ginny Owen’s new hymn CD, yes, she has a new CD!!), I remembered a letter written by the late Paul Harvey titled An Open Letter from God. It reminds me that we want our children to have some bumps in the road, and preferably while they are still under our loving wings and can help smooth the way with an eternal perspective. I would be hard-pressed to believe much character could be shaped in a child who is given everything, shielded from all hurts or allowed to behave without restraint. Here is Harvey’s letter:

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

Send this to all of your friends. We secure our friends, not by accepting favors, but by doing them.

My prayer for today: God, help me show more of You to my children, my husband and the others You put in my life! I want to have a passionate love for You that demonstrates itself in a unquenchable love and concern for others. Give me and Tyler the wisdom to help grow spiritually potent children and help them work through hiccups along the way with a unwavering faith and strength in You!

Reflections of Mother’s Day

Mother’s day always gets me misty-eyed and weepy. Celebrating this day is a bit multifaceted for me. First, I get to rejoice in the fantastic Moms/Grandmas in my life.

MOM: Thanks for putting up with me, I was a little booger at times growing up, but you always supported and loved me and you helped me become the woman I am today. And now I get the privilege of calling you “friend”.

MIL: I can hardly remember when you weren’t in my life, supporting me and treating me like your own – thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I also get to celebrate being a Mom myself, it is the most amazing experience and what I was meant to be. But more than anything, my heart is bursting with gratefulness and love for two outstanding, extraordinary young women whom I am proud to call our Birthmoms – Catie and Jordan! I would not have had the amazing honor of ever being a Mom if it weren’t for the grace of these two.

I suppose on this day my heart aches a bit as I try to imagine their side of the adoption story, what they willingly gave and the love they have for these two beautiful, adorable, totally outrageously-terrific children. At the same time, I pray daily God overflows their heart with peace and joy with their selfless decision.

Catie and Jordan, the words “thank you” seem too simple to explain how I feel….I am grateful, humbled, honored and overjoyed that you shared these gifts with us. You both know how loved and adored you are, we are forever intertwined and you are part of our forever family. Our cup runneth over! These two treasures - Tate and Chase – are blessings from above. Without your wisdom, sacrifice and courage, we would not be the richest, happiest and proudest of parents.

To all the

Moms in our

lives, we

love you!!!!

Good-bye magazines…and more

WARNING…long, boring musings ahead.

Spring is definitely here…I am ready to renew, refresh and embrace change! Not too much change mind you, but in small doses its good and I am ready to digest it positively. Waking up to tweeting birds and sunshine beaming through our big French doors in our bedroom helps kick start the day (fresher anyway than our wintery dark mornings at 5 AM).

3 Big Changes:

1. Our remodel. Tyler is hard at work, conjuring up plans and outside doing what needs to be done.

2. Good-bye Tuner family. Our wonderful, wise mentor couple Ned and Jeanette are leaving our church. They have feed our souls, encouraged us through this exciting parenting and family phase of our lives for over 2 years now and it has been a true blessing. My heart is a bit broken over not having them in our lives anymore. However, God is AWESOME and He is giving me a peace about what is next for our Sunday school group. I am so happy for the Turners and grateful for the time they gave us, for sharing their experience and wisdom. Tyler will teach the class until we find another mentor couple that can take the Turner’s place, which is no small feat. That role needs to be filled by a couple who adore God, have raised Godly children and just want to nurture the lives of us younger folks. Pray!

3. Operation simplify. I just finished reading A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George and was inspired on several fronts. She is a good author, she has that list-writing, planning MO that just speaks to me. As far as specifics, first, pray more in the beginning of each day for my individual priorities. Ask God, “what can I do for my husband to make his day go smoother?” Or “how can I encourage my children today, what special words should I use to make them feel like the treasures they are?” Second, pick 5 “fat folders” as Elizabeth calls them, basically subjects that I will research enough to become an “expert”. What a fun idea, something that tickles my research feathers. Basically, these are subjects I want to engrain into my being. The first 2 were easy: child-training and nutrition/wellness/cooking/recipes. You will never have to twist my arm to read, research, talk or think more about these two subjects when it comes to my family and children. I am no expert in child-training by any means, but I so enjoy reading what other have done and are doing and blending training in with play (the Turners were great at this...sniffle).

The next 2 I picked because I want more of them in my life, not that I will ever become an “expert”, but areas that I want to grow and mature: patience (waiting on the Lord, waiting to buy another book, waiting to get what I want when I want it) and simplicity. (I am still mulling over the last one….fruit of the spirit? being a Godly wife?.... so many things I want to be an "expert" in….I don’t have to limit myself to 5 I suppose, just need to ponder a bit more).

So here is where “Operation Simplicity 09” comes in. My friend Christina told me a saying her Mom used to tell her; a cluttered room makes for a cluttered mind. Martha Steward I am not, but I have always felt like I have a clean, yet lived-in home. However, with this remodel, it got me thinking, am I busting out of the seams with piles of magazines, articles, recipes, school supplies, and just “things” because we “need” a bigger house or because we simply have too much stuff!? Although it is easier to go with the former, I believe that it is truly the later. I have several simplicity experts in my life (funny how God does that), so I am going in for advice. I am motivated, inspired and have a hankering to just de-clutter. What a perfect time too with Spring and the remodel. Also, my MIL has been itching for years to do a “clean sweep” of my house…I believe it is a show that helps poor souls such as myself who have too much stuff.

So I have devised a short-term, start of a plan for “Operation Simplify 09”:

First steps of the plan:

1. Stop magazine subscriptions (except a few essentials of course): Not only do I end up with a pile of unread magazines that “I am sure I will read later”, but the library offers access to most magazines on-line. Then there are blogs, so many great blogs offer recipes, craft ideas for kids and cooking tips! So with a little click of a button I will be well-supplied with ideas and inspiration.

2. Lighten our toy load. We don’t need many toys. Cars, trucks, blocks, legos, trains, games, outdoor items like bikes, etc, these are what the boys play with most. This might be tough, but this summer we will start to weed.

3. Work is over! I have stacks of books from my working days that are suffocating our office space. I pull one down maybe every 6 months, if that. It is time for me to let them go. It is hard, because I say “oh…I will use that one day when I research that topic again!” but by the time I actually do end up researching that topic, the book will be so old that I will need to get a newer one! Same with my nutrition files, they are old as dirt.

Those are my first 3 steps, I need to take this slow, I have been accumulating for a long time! :) Advice of any kind is welcome!